A f T E R T h E A E T h E R N E T ][ radiolullaby.smol.pub .............................................................................
spreading myself thin over the crawlspaces of the internet
watching my dog's nose dripping on the floor
an endless blue, perhaps more tired than twenty years ago---
the sound of a plane traversing the sky, tracing the vastness
some wistful memory of a feather in the summer breeze, a whisper against the cheek, a golden field
---was it easier then? perhaps, yes, although it hurt more, too
feelings are pinpricks on the wrong side of the skin now
☆＊━━━━━━ † ━━━━━━＊☆
if we could go anywhere, anywhere at all
perhaps we'd only go backwards
☆＊━━━━━━ † ━━━━━━＊☆
I no longer believe my words have worth
&I haven't believed that for a good long while
but I'm trying again
(&again)
[&again]
I'm not sure why
{why now}
I'm scared that my words have become ingrained with a curse
that to dare to write will bring back the sickness
{the black.hole.sun}
&that if the sickness comes back
this time I won't come out the other side
of the long yellow tunnel
but be swallowed by the mist
&disappear forever
&then I won't be able to care for her anymore
I used to try to dream
only to be engulfed by sweat
choking on air that couldn't seem to reach my lungs
the night closing in on me like bars of a cage:
until I stopped dreaming altogether
until I stopped crying altogether
until I stopped feeling altogether
scars on the inside constricting
b r e a t h e
☆＊━━━━━━ † ━━━━━━＊☆
it's hard to know what to write here
perhaps I should look about more, read the room
it's nice to be here in my corner, though
knowing there's the possibility of being found
but not that I *have* to be...
>>>EOF
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